Lena, mother of a daughter
Individual children, you have heard a lot about it and in very few cases good.
It is said that they are spoiled, selfish, not adaptable and much more. Of course, that means in truth that the family of this child failed has – in education, the mediation of values, learning social interaction. Set, six.
But I see it a little differently, because I couldn’t imagine anything better than life with exactly this one child. I like to be able to fulfill his child’s wishes: the surprise egg at the cash register, a visit to Dinopark, the afternoon in the swimming pool, cook your favorite food every weekend.
I like that I can be fully there for this one child, we cling to work and cari work as well as mental load.
I think that my child automatically develops a self -centered world view.
Our everyday life consists not only of my child, but also of our other family, of daycare and work, of appointments and budget obligations.
Most of the day, my child is very likely back to his needs and emotions, as it naturally has to adapt. In the daycare it is part of a whole, it has hours of social contacts, it has to adapt to part and learn to deal with others and their needs and expectations.
How nice it is when only I, his mom, are waiting for him at home and it can finally be itself and develop for a few hours.
I don’t see what should be bad about it.
My child is already subject to the norms and expectations of others all day and then it shouldn’t even be at home with me, live out and be considered without restriction?
No, I contradict it. First of all, I also live here and I have my own needs and ideas.
So my child is one thing above all: ready to compromise.
In addition, I do not overhaul my child with gifts, but above all with love and care. The chocolate bar in the supermarket is much more than a simple chocolate bar, it is too: I see you and your wishes.
Probably many shake their heads anyway. You may see my child who runs 100 meters in front of me and think: ‘But your child doesn’t have them under control’.
On the other hand, I see the basis of trust we have with each other. I see the years of showing, trusting my child’s skills.
I already see his wish to run to the street corner and wait for myself there.
And I know that we, my child and me, can. My only child is a great child, point. Just like children with siblings are great children. There is nothing to discuss.
If I both mind that the supposedly warped only child always gets everything – and I can assure you that it is not the case – then I should perhaps question whether the problem is really this child or my own experiences and feelings.
We all have a lot to work up, but please do not let us live it out to children if the sticking point is in our own education.
Communication is key – this also applies to children and yes, I think that it is often much easier to communicate with a child at eye level than with several.
But instead of giving up ratings and judgments, just let’s talk to each other.
We certainly understand each other better and help to throw up prejudices over the pile.
Because these clichés are an old hat: single children evil, siblings good.
It has everything for and against, but isn’t it important that every family decides their composition without being rated for it?
Let us leave these pictures of the little tyrants and great sibling love behind us and turn to the important things: our children, whether one, three, five or eight.
Merle, mother of a son
How much it still hurts me when I read something about “single children”. Because I am one thing myself – and I always hated it. I wanted a big family like my friends. With big brothers and small babies and a full family table. I always “only” had my parents, who were already very old (they only met in the late 30s, my mother was 40 at my birth, in the 80s it was very old). They were very gracious and facing, but also old and boring. In addition, I have always felt the “single child” label. So I have strained to not be spoiled or selfish. Today I would say that I never was both.
And now I have a single child myself. Sniff. It wasn’t planned. I repeat my parents’ story a bit. I wanted to make a career first. Then, at 37, we had to help with the first child. I have an endometriosis surgery behind me and after a few years in the desire to have children, many tears and thousands of euros we buried our dream of the second child three years ago. That’s how it is often. Whenever a judgment is made, you should think again or ask what really is behind it. We would have loved to have had a second, maybe even a third child. We were not granted.
Now we have one. And that is very, very wonderful. Social and helpful, enthusiastic, sensitive, like to share, it takes care. A child, so very different, than every single child label would allow it. Alone that I emphasize this again, feel wrong. Children are just children! And family constellations arise, sometimes like that. There is no right way. Just as little as there is a wrong one.
I am now very enjoying just having one child. One that I can shoot in, that I understand and know completely. One whose needs I can feel – and I have the time and strength to respond. One that can really relax at home without sibling noise and stress. And yet I’m still wistful.
I have a girlfriend who has two with whom I regularly go out and openly except the pros and contras. It is often difficult for her to respond to both. Often both talk to them, she smiles – and does not actually do justice to anyone. Also to find activities at the weekend that really enjoy both – difficult. So she often envies me for this one child and the relationship we both have. So how easy it is to find a babysitter for a child. About how we can go on vacation because it doesn’t just make a difference financially. But she also shares what is beautiful. The liveliness at home, which many games and teases and take care of each other. How nice it is that the children have themselves. Then these are the moments that make me sad. But that’s the way it is! Life is just like that, we humans are different, the children too. And you can’t always have everything.
Marc, father of a daughter
I often say that our daughter is a typical only child, what’s bad about it! For me it is just a saying who triggered, he has a problem. Our daughter is our eye star. We are total helicopter parents, one of us is always at the start and she also gets a lot of wishes fulfilled. I am happy for you! I have three siblings, have never received such attention and find it wonderful that my child is now being cared for, so recovered and can grow up. With us it was a conscious decision to get just one child. We have no capacities for a second, neither mentally nor financially, the living space would not be there either. It was always clear: a child. I totally love it the way it is. And nobody should take it out to evaluate it unless we ourselves. That means: I can say that my child is a typical only child, not others. You would never, I know that either. Because how “anti -social”, “unpublished” or “selfish” children are always outside of the parents’ house. And my daughter is an absolute role model child, also at school. Oh yes, on the other hand, I know some children who have already been at home that I would give these labels. But they have all siblings. Mhhhhhh, strange …
