Before, they told everything. Their favorite boyfriend, the playground, the “CHELOU” teacher. Then nothing. Between evening monosyllables and eyes raised in heaven, here is how to restore the link with his teenager.
For years, we have known everything: their favorite dish, their nightmare on Thursday, their football rival, what the mistress or the friend said in the playground. Then, without warning, the curtain fell. Become teenagers, they lock their world. Asking a question about their day is to expose yourself to a “Bof”, A “I don’t know“Or, at best, an upturn of shoulders. However, they have not stopped needing to speak. But not just anyone, or in any conditions.
At 17, Greta explains that we get real answers only if we ask the right questions at the right time. Ajani, 18, confirms that timing is changing everything. He describes a sentence that his mother now uses: “My mother started to ask me, ‘Do you feel comfortable talking about this now?'” A little attention that changes the dynamics because it does not feel forced, but respected.
Behind these examples, a well -documented reality. Scientific journalist Melinda Wenner Moyer explains it in her book Hello, Cruel World: Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times. According to his research, it is not so much what we say that counts, but the way we listen to. Indeed, real listening, without interruption or ulterior motives, transforms the relationship. It builds a space of trust and allows teens to express themselves without fear of being cropped. Thus, it makes them more open, more curious, more inclined to confide.
The specialist summarizes it as follows: “Research shows that when people feel listened to, they become more open -minded, more humble intellectually.” This is valid for everyone, including teens. When you feel heard, the brain relaxes. It becomes more receptive. And in a family, this opening changes everything. Because, yes, what teens reject is not discussion is control. They want us to listen to them, not to be given orders disguised as advice. The winning strategy then consists in postponing the conversation. Leave a little time, then come back slowly.
Ajani also finds this effective approach: “I have the impression that leaving myself a little space and then returning to me had a lot of impact while I was growing up.” He also says: “At one time, it annoyed me that my parents asked me how my day had gone, but now I find that it doesn’t bother me anymore.” The routine of a simple “How are you ?“Get together acceptable, because the child knows that this question does not hide an interrogation. In short, give air, do not insist, then restart without pressure. A simple technique which makes it possible to avoid blockages.
