Every Mother’s Day, we celebrate mothers for their love, and quietly, for how much they carry. This year, two very different stories have surfaced the same uncomfortable question: how much is enough?
Emma Grede, founding partner of Skims, faced backlash after describing herself as a “three-hour mom.” Around the same time, world-renowned opera singer, Lise Davidsen, made headlines for risking her voice – and in essence, her career – for motherhood.
One was criticized for not giving enough. The other was lauded for giving everything.
These stories may seem like opposites. They are not. They reflect the same underlying truth: we continue to ask women to make impossible trade-offs between caregiving and career, and then ballotize whichever choice they make.
These trade-offs are not theoretical – we see evidence of them first hand, as the founders of Kidogo Childcare Centers and Maziwa Breastfeeding, serving low-income Kenyan mothers every day. Mothers in this context are forced to make impossible choices between mothering and working: Do I breastfeed my baby or feed my family? Will my child be taken care of properly if I need to return to work?
The real issue is not how mothers choose to show up. It’s that too many are forced to choose at all. We debate the margins of how much a mother should sacrifice, instead of asking why they have to give up so much in the first place.
We often like to believe motherhood is a personal choice – and it is indeed. But, it’s equally a public service, and often shaped by the limits of the system around it. What results is a narrow binary between the ‘tradwife’ and the ‘girl boss’ – each choice rife with a healthy dose of judgment and cynicism.
How long will we continue to tell women that they can have it all if only they just ‘lean in’ without meaningfully addressing these systemically inherent trade-offs?
Often, the system is making the choice for them. Without adequate maternity leave policies, many women return to work weeks after giving birth. Without workplace support, breastfeeding becomes nearly impossible for working mothers, putting infants and mothers both at risk of serious illnesses. Without safe daycares, parents are unable to work with peace of mind and children miss out on the nurturing and stimulation crucial in their earliest years.
Although there is no single right way to parent and every mother should be able to make decisions based on her family’s values, her circumstances are often making ‘mom guilt’ the only real option.
Mothers like business leader, Emma Grede, who have found a way to balance work and caregiving and take pride in those choices, are often loved for doing so. And yet, even mothers like opera singer Lise Davidsen, who decide to step back from their careers are not immune to scrutiny. Her decision sparked debate about what the world ‘loses’ when women choose family.
Our own experiences as female founders of caregiving-focused organizations mirror this dichotomy. Sabrina, a champion for early childhood development, has missed milestones with her young daughter while leading the largest childcare network in Kenya. Sahar took on the financial, emotional, and physical burden of freezing her eggs, ironically, in order to build an organization that helps other mothers balance breastfeeding and work.
To be sure, there has been real progress from declining maternal mortality rates to expanded parental leave protections in many countries. But that progress remains uneven and increasingly fragile. Recent data from the World Health Organization shows that global improvements have slowed dramatically. And as The Guardian and others have reported, cuts to global health funding and restrictions on reproductive care are already threatening to undo hard-won gains.
There is growing evidence that motherhood unlocks superpowers such as resilience, time management, and leadership – qualities that benefit workplaces and societies alike. Additionally, working women are more likely than their male counterparts to reinvest their income back into their families and communities, according to the World Bank.
On the other hand, mothers who choose to dedicate their time to raising their children do so in service to their families and society at large and should be celebrated for this valid choice. The role of caregiving, including breastfeeding and early childhood nurturing, is critical for a child’s cognitive, emotional, and physical development, with lasting ripple effects for future generations.
The evidence is clear: mothers, whether they are working, staying at home, or moving between both over time, generate outsized returns for society.
If we truly value what mothers contribute – individually and collectively – one day of gratitude is not enough. The better question is this: can we give them real choices – the ability to build the lives they desire and to change those choices over time?
Because true liberation is not prescribing a single ideal of motherhood. It is building a world where every option is viable, respected, and supported.
About the Authors:
Sahar Jamal is a Public Voices Fellow Tackling Poverty, a partnership of Acumen and The OpEd Project. She is also the Founder & CEO of Maziwa Breastfeeding in Kenya and an ICF-Certified Growth Coach who supports and invests in female leaders and entrepreneurs. Her recent TEDxNairobi Talk highlights How society thrives when we elevate the Alchemy of Motherhood.
Sabrina Habib is the Co-Founder of Kidogo, Kenya’s largest childcare network and an Advisor to the Zera Fund, spurring new investment into childcare globally on behalf of Melinda French Gates. She is also a Public Voices Fellow Tackling Poverty, a partnership of Acumen and The OpEd Project.
