I am a mother of two children. The eldest is 10 years old and we realized, almost by chance, that she looked at some porn images/videos from my phone while I was in the bathroom and I had left it for her to send messages to her dad (we separated three years ago).
Faced with the evidence of the facts, he admitted his mistake but also revealed that it was not the first time this had happened. Through our Smart TV he admitted that he had searched for videos on YouTube that were not suitable for his age, taking advantage of the brief moments in which she was alone, moved by curiosity to see some scenes that her classmates had talked about in class.
I’m very worried, I didn’t expect things like this to enter his life so soon. I am a mother who is very attentive to these issues and I find myself helpless because all my precautions have been of no use. I spoke to my little girl at length and gave her a clear expectation that something like this should never happen again. But now I live in fear that this episode has somehow “compromised” some aspect of his development.
ALICE
Answer by Alberto Pellai
– Dear Alice, I understand your disorientation as a mother. What happened to your little girl today – alas – is a frequent occurrence. Through technologies, boys and girls can have access to experiences, images and contacts that are absolutely not suited to their needs and their level of emotional and cognitive development. Many parents, just like you, try to “pay attention to everything”, but often it is not enough.
In your case, I would say that it is necessary to equip electronic devices with parental control apps, which automatically block inappropriate scenes and content. In your case, however, I think the important thing is that you quickly realized what was happening and immediately addressed the issue. It is essential that you reinforce with the girl the value of the age limit that sexual contents have incorporated: they are always prohibited for minors under 14 or 18 years of age. It is important to explain to your children that these prohibitions serve to protect and not to repress.
It may be useful to share the information that children in that group are watching inappropriate materials with other parents in the class so that all classmates receive a clear and unambiguous message from the adult world.
You parents should read a sex education book suitable for this age with your daughter. You can ask your local library for help to find the right one for you. In your letter we understand that this thing scared you a lot, so I recommend you read Small Traumas. Fighting the long-term effects of small daily wounds by M. Arroll (Mondadori)