Whether it is to enter the world of work or out of school disgust, this announcement moves you up and you do not know how to react. But is it a whipped whim or a carefully thought out? What does it translate? Does he have a real professional project? Advice from Bruno Vibert, psychotherapist.
Your teenager has just announced that he was tired of studying it, wants to work to earn money, have independence and stand on your own feet. You still have to know if his choice is taken by provocation, on a whim or if he reveals a maturely thoughtful project! What are his motivations? What does his decision reflect? How to react so as not to rob him and find with him a good compromise? Bruno Vibert, psychotherapist specializing in family therapies, gives us his advice.
How to react?
“”In essence, parents want the safety of their child and protect them. Wanting to stop studying comes to “break” the child’s safety and the first reaction of parents is often to wonder “What is my child going to become?“”, explains Bruno Vibert straight away. However, avoid turning on and telling him of the type “no, you continue to go”, “you are unable to go to the end of things” or “without diploma, you will miss your life!” Rather try understand the reasons From his desire to stop school, even if he does not clearly justify his choices. Also, instead of talking to him on the front, take advantage of an activity or a car trip for example to approach the subject. This will allow you to discuss more spontaneously. Ask if he has friends, if he has a problem with one of his teachers, or if it is not linked to the passage of an exam for example … And if the dialogue is difficult, do not hesitate to call on external aid, like a psychologist, who will serve as an intermediary between parents and the child. It is important to ask yourself the right questions: do I want my child to become someone who is not? Is our way of life questioning? What way to operate would it be ready to accept? “”These reflections make it possible to play down the situation and take a step back“, advises the psychotherapist and finally,”Ask yourself if you don’t put too much pressure on him: some parents project their desires or their frustration on their child“.
“Help him project in the long term because the teenager often reacts in immediacy”
However, “The more the child will grow, the more complicated it will be for parents to thwart their choices. Likewise after 18 years, the teen can decide alone from his school orientation and legally steal on his own“, Avoids the psychologist. Before considering a compromise, it is important to know if the child has a clear and very thoughtful professional project or if his decision is linked to anger and impulsiveness.”In the same way, who has never happened to go back to the evening, to want to resign and change your life?“, Ironize the specialist. If the teenager’s decision seems radical, suggest him asking himself a few questions: is he involved in his studies? Would he be more in his place in another sector? Does he intend to interrupt his studies or to stop them definitively? What is his professional project? Is it something that he wants to do temporarily or all his life?”It is important to project it in the long term because the teenager is often immediacy“, Specifies the expert.
Why does he want to stop school?
Admittedly, it may seem surprising that all of a sudden, he wishes to stop school, but his choice can be motivated for different reasons. “”For some teenagers, this choice can be linked to a problem of school harassment, “racketeering”, because it is mockery from his comrades … This can also reveal school failure or poor orientation (The child wanted to go to the artistic sector, his parents encouraged him to follow law studies for example) “, explains the specialist. In this case, it is therefore not the fact of studying that bothers him, but it is the context in which he studied. Sometimes, some discussions with your child and in particular with the teaching team can help him to be reassured, to regain confidence in him and to give him the taste for studies. the school system that does not suit them And that is why they very quickly feel the desire to work. To find out, discuss with your teenager his projects, his desires, his personal interests and Consider a reorientation (alternating, professional …). “”Know that in most cases, the teenager is motivated by financial and material reasons. Wanting to stop studying and entering working life can translate the desire to get out of the family circle and mark its financial independence“, He said. And above all, know that his decision is not always final: a failure, a disappointment or the influence of a friend (or boyfriend) can motivate him to stop school for a given time.
Find the right compromise
“”Do not reject them Professional sectors (learning, work -study) which are shorter than the university and which allow the teenager to prepare a diploma while having a salary“, advises the specialist. The year of caesura Can also be a good compromise: suggest that he leaves a semester abroad so that he learns another language. “”Traveling, making new meetings and being far from your family can mature a professional project or have it changed your mind regarding the continuation of their studies“. And if the teen has already started a year of study, perhaps he can do a little job next to it in order to have a share of financial independence? In all cases, Encourage his strengths : For example, one of his passions can be a professional sector for him (sport, cinema, theater, computer science, mechanics …). Do not hesitate to make an appointment with an orientation advisor who will be able to guide him and find the way that suits her.
