Discussing delicate subjects with a teenager is what every parent dreads. This is why you have to choose the right time. Because yes, it exists.
Adolescent crisis obliges, it is a period of life when communication between a parent and their child becomes laborious. It’s a phenomenon that is difficult to ignore: teenagers have a bad reputation, and their education can quickly turn into a real obstacle course. Voices are raised, arguments follow one another, opinions clash… and a gulf widens between these two generations who cannot understand each other. Some rebel against parental authority which they consider unfair, others isolate themselves in their room with social networks as their only companions, but all try to escape conflicts and embarrassing conversations at all costs.
Moreover, parents themselves are often the kings of procrastination when it comes to tackling difficult topics related to puberty. Intimate relationships, physical and hormonal changes, drug or alcohol use, relationship with social networks… “They’re too young”, “It can wait”, “They’ll talk about it when they’re ready”, “There’s never a good time to talk about it” : what parent has never put off the fateful moment of starting this kind of discussion with their teenager? However, it is essential to do it, but not just any time.
Co-author of the book “Talk to Your Boys: 16 Conversations to Help Tweens and Teens Become Confident, Caring Young Men”bestseller in the United States, Christopher Pepper shares his advice for parents who are a little lost. Advice which, of course, can also be applied to parents of teenage daughters. Thus, there are times for him that are more conducive to these uncomfortable conversations than others: to create a soothing context and avoid the “lesson” aspect, it must be done as naturally as possible.
“Often people enjoy talking side by side, for example in the car”explains Christopher Pepper, also a middle and high school teacher, in an interview with CNN. Yes, eyes meet less and this can therefore reduce the awkwardness that arises between the parent and the adolescent. The same principle applies to a walk or a sporting activity: “Many respond well to being talked to while doing something else. A walk, a ball game, a basketball game or just afterward are all good times to talk.” Physical activities are in fact known to reduce stress, an undeniable advantage in “these kinds of conversations can sometimes be a source of anxiety.”
In addition to the right time to broach a difficult subject, Christopher Pepper also reveals another piece of advice that will be very useful to parents of teenagers: don’t hesitate to share your own experiences to put your child more at ease. And if, of course, “you don’t need to tell everything about your life to be a good parent”the author emphasizes that telling stories is “a powerful tool”. By showing that you have also experienced these stages of life (and the mistakes that go with them), the gap between you begins to fade… to the great relief of the whole family.
