Critics leave traces …
A child who constantly hears derogatory remarks on his appearance or behavior ends up internalizing them. As a result, it is gradually developing defense mechanisms and specific personality traits. “The people who were criticized during their childhood often have a fear of abandonment since the climate of insecurity in which they grew up has brought them to develop a form of hypersensitivity to rejection, anxieties around affectivity and, in a reactive manner, a form of emotional dependence”notes Sébastien Garnero, clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and sexologist. Someone who suffers from the fear of abandonment needs to be constantly reassured, which can harm their personal and professional relationships.
Often these people also have a problem of self -esteem and self -confidence. “They find it difficult to become aware of their qualities, they doubt their abilities permanently, have a strong sensitivity to failure and have a constant need to be validated. This leads them to adopt attitudes of idealization and perfectionism, they always seek to be at the top and sometimes are part of an anxiety of performance”decrypts the specialist. Similarly, for lack of self -confidence, these people have the feeling of never being up to the task, of not being able to be the subject of his life, of not deserving our successes, this is called “impostor syndrome”. “This feeling of indignity can push for self-sabotage and prevent from achieving its objectives. We live in constant fear that others reject us, we are part of an ultra dependence scheme, we have the impression that we cannot do anything alone”develops our expert.
Among the other characteristic personality traits, people criticized during childhood find it difficult to position themselves, pose clear limits and maintain healthy social and friendly relations since they are part of merger and withdrawal. They also find it difficult to have stable romantic relationships for fear of not being validated, of being rejected. Some develop a form of masked or neurotic depression marked by a lack of self -esteem, permanent doubts, forms of inertia, procrastination and fairly intense fatigue. “Others suffer from a generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks and a constant anticipation of the issues, convinced that the worst will occur. Still others have OCD or have a certain tendency to rigidity, a need for control and perfectionism”adds Sébastien Garnero.
To get out of it, it is essential to identify the patterns in which we locked ourselves. Cognitive and behavioral therapy (TCC) is crucial to become aware of its beliefs, working on self -esteem, problems of anxiety or expressiveness, learn to lay down clear limits between oneself and others and free yourself from social comparisons.
Thanks to Sébastien Garnero, clinical psychologist and sexologist.
