When a child expresses a discomfort on his appearance, the reaction of the adult can have a considerable impact on his self-esteem. Between the desire to reassure and the fear of worsening the situation, here is how to find the right words.
When a child confides that it is ugly, the first reflex is often to contradict him immediately with a “But no, you are very beautiful/very beautiful!”. However, this reaction can prevent him from fully expressing what he feels. As Laurie Gozlan underlines in the Instagram account @_petit_deviera_grand_, it is therefore essential to start by validating her feeling. For example, a sentence like “I understand what you feel, too, I happen to not find myself at the top on certain days” allows him to show him that he is not alone in testifying and encourages him to continue the discussion.
Rather than denying your feelings, it is useful to help him understand that the perception of fluctuated physical beauty. Mood, fatigue, context or the gaze of others influence the way in which we perceive ourselves. By reminding him that he has already been beautiful at times, you invite him to put into perspective and to consider his appearance from a more nuanced angle. In addition, in a society where appearance is omnipresent, it is essential to explain to a child that physical beauty does not define the value of a person. It can be tempting to tell him that he is magnificent, but the real challenge is to make him understand that the importance given to appearance is often exaggerated. Beauty can facilitate the first contacts, but it does not allow to build deep relationships. What creates lasting attachment is the personality, the values and the way in which we interact with others. To illustrate this, the expert proposes to explain to the child the theory of the magnet.
“Take two magnets. What attracts them to each other is not their appearance, but the material they are made of”explains Laurie Gozlan. “Their magnetic field, invisible, is what makes them inseparable. It is exactly the same with people.” The deep attachment is not based on the physical aspect, but on what we are, what we get out and the way in which we interact with the world. Applying this idea to a child makes it possible to move his attention from appearance to what really matters: his kindness, his intelligence, his humor, his courage. Rather than trying to please by appearance, it is better to invest in this “invisible beauty”. Encourageing a child to cultivate his qualities and invest in what fascinates him will allow him to gain confidence and esteem of him.
However, if a child regularly manifests discomfort in the face of his appearance, it is important to identify the cause. Is it ugly due to repeated mockery? Is he influenced by unattainable models that he sees on social networks? In this case, a more in -depth action is necessary. Supporting him in daily exercises to highlight his forces and teach him to protect himself from external judgments are essential solutions.
