For fear or by shame, some children find it difficult to express their discomfort. These specific signs allow parents to be alerted before the words come.
In playgrounds, tensions between students are frequent. But when a child begins to change his behavior, it is often a reflection of what he undergoes on a daily basis. The important thing remains to learn to read between the lines, to observe without judging and to decode the small gestures of everyday life.
First of all, a child who suffers can start hanging out to go to school, without ever saying that he no longer likes to go, underlines Laurie Gozlan, educator and creator of the Instagram account @Small_Devurera_grand. Each day then becomes an inner fight: finding an excuse, inventing a stomach ache, begging to stay at home. This change of envy, often discreet at the start, can settle until becoming a habit. At home, other clues can slip into the most banal conversations. A hitherto confident child can set out to devalue himself for no apparent reason. As the expert remarks, sentences of the type “I suck”, “I will never get there”, “I’m ugly” or “the others do better than me” become more frequent. These are not simple words thrown by frustration, but generally mirrors of what he undergoes in the courtyard or in class.
Furthermore, when he talks about another child who behaves badly, it happens that he systematically minimizes the situation. “It’s for laughter”, He said, even when the story told seems clearly to exceed the limits of the game. This attitude, assures Laurie Gozlan, shows an attempt to normalize what he lives, either because he is ashamed to say victim, or because he is afraid of possible reprisals. Behind these words, there is often a need for protection and support that cannot be made clear.
Another detail: the general behavior of the child changes. Less laughter, less smiles, a tendency to get upset more easily, to close, to repel brothers, sisters and parents for no apparent reason. “He changes his behavior at home”summarizes Laurie Gozlan. Sometimes it is an unusual aggressiveness that manifests itself. Other times, it is a withdrawal on yourself, a desire to isolate yourself, to no longer share the little pleasures of everyday life. Finally, when you talk about a classmate, the gaze can turn away, the discussion can become evasive. Conversely, in their presence, the child can become nervous, tense, suspicious. These are small clues, subtle, but powerful for those who know how to spot them.
So what to do? “The most important at this stage is to allow your child absolutely to confide in what happens to him”insists the specialist. It is a question of placing a reassuring framework, where the child will feel listened to, without judgment, without pressure. Then, it is necessary to teach the child to defend himself, by helping him to identify toxic relations, to understand that he is not responsible for the behavior of others. Laurie Gozlan also recalls the importance of knowing how to say no, placing her own limits, enforcing her values: so many essential skills that are gradually built.
