Marie-Estelle Dupont, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, reveals the signs to become aware of her own behaviors.
In recent years, the term “toxic” has spread in conversations to qualify relationships or people. But “The concept is a bit vague”immediately suits Marie-Estelle Dupont, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist. Being “toxic” does not mean being a bad person (apart from the pathological case). “”In a situation where they feel in difficulty, toxic people will act in a way that is not healthy, neither for them, nor for the other ” explains our interlocutor. According to her “We all have moments when we have less brilliant features than others. When you go bad or when you are in a situation of extreme stress, you tend to be saturated, and in these cases, you can behave in a nasty, brutal, fleeting way “.
These toxic behaviors come from patterns which we have not become aware of: injuries, beliefs, trauma … and are often linked to childhood. For example, if we had a possessive or jealous parent, we can later have excessive jealousy; If we have had an aggressive communication in childhood it can lead us to make a lot of reproaches to others … Instead of reacting as an adult, with discernment, “You are going to have automatic behaviors, reflexes acquired younger, the same that your parents have been able to have”. So “A father can be incredibly toxic to his children when he loves them, because he did not make the anger he had towards his own father” Add the expert.
How do you know if you are toxic? “”Toxic people are not very aware of themselves “ warns the specialist. However, we can say that we have a toxic attitude “When we refrain from being the person we are really. ” Example: during a break, we do everything to hold back his/his partner even if he has behaviors that do not resemble us or “We sabotage a romantic relationship because we do not think deserves this love or for fear of commitment” While we love this person and feel good with her. “When you feel like you are playing a role, not being yourself, it’s not a good sign”she adds. It is worth in love, in friendships, with family, at work …
Moreover “The toxic person tends to get back into patterns that do not work “. For example, if its partners tend to hang on to it and that it carries their suffering, it is perhaps not they who suffer from an emotional dependence, but it which has a toxic mechanism of the nurse’s syndrome. We must then ask ourselves: “qIs it the share of me that made it possible the fact that this situation happens again? ” For the psychologist, it is possible to change, but you have to work on yourself. “We cannot transform what we do not accept. As long as something is denying, the problem grows.” She advises to identify the personal part of a toxicity and its origins, before entering into introspection to recognize the patterns and no longer reproduce them. Consultation with a health professional can help support this process.
Thanks to Marie-Estelle Dupont, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist and author of “free herself from her toxic self” (ed. Larousse).
