We are all faced one day or another with a selfish personality. These individuals, focused on their own desires, can make relationships exhausting and unbalanced, especially when it comes to communicating. “In a balanced discussion, there is a circulation between giving and receiving. With a selfish person, this circulation is broken. The exchange is not reciprocal” The clinical psychologist Myriam Sanchez immediately explains. But there are ways to restore this balance to better dialogue, without conflict.
Selfishness can be present in a subtle way. “Often, it translates into a tendency to systematically bring the conversation to oneself, to monopolize the word or not to ask questions to the other” continues Myriam Sanchez. The person can give the impression of listening, but his answers always bring the subject back to their own experience. Another revealing sign: the lack of consideration for the emotions of the other. The difficulties are minimized, the successes that are not very valued. Faced with this dynamic, “Many people, for fear of conflict, adapt permanently, at the risk of exhausting” observes the psychologist.
To better communicate with a selfish person, no need to attack head -on: this may cause rejection. Likewise, avoid the “you” and rather use the “I” to formulate your expectations. The clinical psychologist recommends the following sentence: “I need you also listen to what I live.” This sentence does not accuse but expresses a legitimate need. Other variants work just as well: “I hear what you say but I would also like to be able to share my feelings”, “I feel removed when the discussion always revolves around you” or even “for me, a balanced relationship, it is when everyone has their place in exchange”. The objective is to recall that the relationship must evolve to remain healthy and fair. But you have to remain firm, factual and coherent.
Can a selfish person change? Yes, but only “If she realizes that her behavior costs her – for example, relational tensions, increasing loneliness or the loss of an important relationship”analyzes the psychologist. This awareness is the first step in introspection work: learning to recognize the needs of others without feeling threatened. In some cases, psychological support may be necessary. “He can help develop empathy and better manage his insecurities, which are often the source of selfishness” concludes the expert.
