Behind children who humiliate, mock or seek to dominate others, therapists observe the same family mechanisms. A widespread habit at home could well encourage this type of behavior.
Spring is here, parents’ WhatsApp groups are already heating up for the fairs and registrations at the summer center, but in the schoolyards, certain tensions never take a vacation. Indeed, with each case of school bullying, it is the same dizziness for parents. Everyone seeks to raise a kind and respectful child, so when one of them attacks a friend, many fall from their heights. However, specialists point out that a child bully is not necessarily “violent” at the start. Moreover, according to several studies, nearly one in five children will adopt bullying behavior during their schooling. And it sometimes starts in primary school, between two Pokémon cards and a football tournament.
Victims more often develop anxiety, social difficulties or a lasting loss of confidence, but children who bully do not escape unscathed either. They are more exposed to academic problems, aggressive behavior or relationship difficulties later. In other words, letting this kind of behavior drag on in the hope that “it will pass to them” is not really a golden strategy. For Amber Thornton, clinical psychologist, harassment very often comes from a feeling of insecurity. Some children seek to gain power over others because they themselves feel like they never really matter. She explains that children can bully “to feel stronger or have more control.”
In this context, the habit that therapists consider particularly problematic is precisely this: preventing children from expressing their emotions. Tell them to stop crying, minimize their anger, ridicule their sadness, or say “it doesn’t matter” before even listening to what they are saying. Over time, some children learn to keep everything to themselves. And when they can no longer put their frustration, shame or anxiety into words, it comes out differently. Through mockery, humiliation or power struggles.
Thus, the famous “but roooh, we’re laughing” thrown away after displaying your child in front of the whole family during Sunday lunch should be banned. Permanent criticism too. Or the parents who explode at the slightest conflict and transform each disagreement into a decibel contest. Experts explain that children absorb everything like sponges. If, at home, relationships involve contempt, shouting or small humiliations, some end up believing that this is simply how we speak to others. Anita Powell, mental health counselor, points out that children often reproduce the dynamics they see in adults who are supposed to serve as their role models. And there, inevitably, the “do as I say, not as I do” quickly reaches its limits.
However, specialists point out that a child is not convicted because he or she has engaged in harassing behavior. What matters is how adults react after the fact. Apologies are important, sanctions too, but understanding what is happening to the child remains essential. Some need help managing their anger, others just need to learn how to talk about how they feel without feeling like they’re going to roll their eyes before they even finish their sentence.
