Few children manage to go to bed quickly, without one, or even several, reminders. Psychologist Harry Ifergan suggests a ritual that can help them express their anxieties.
“I’m hungry, I’m thirsty, I want one more story, I don’t want to sleep”… When it’s time to go to bed, children don’t lack imagination to get out of bed or delay going to sleep. While there are children who go to bed easily, this is not the case for all. Most little ones call their parent and find an excuse not to sleep right away. “The young child has intense psychic activity due to what he learns and what he experiences on a daily basis. In the evening, at bedtime, there is less noise, silence reigns in his room. It is then a good time for him to reflect, to visualize his day. All his desires and constraints will then confront each other“, explains psychologist Harry Ifergan.
Bedtime is also “an intense time during which the child will concentrate on having to admit that he is not the master“. By finding excuses to get up and/or not be alone, he “actually delays the moment of confronting one’s anxieties“Faced with this situation, should we go see him or let him calm down?”As long as the child is not ill, he must be left as independent as possible.“, advises Harry Ifergan. If a parent goes to see their child, they must have an impassive face when speaking to them. They must not feel that their mother or father regrets, for example, leaving them alone in their bed. You should know that when parents have poor control over their emotions, this can trigger fears in the child.
Furthermore, telling your child that you understand his fear but that you have confidence in him will reassure him. However, “you should also not hesitate to tell your child when you are tired“. Harry Ifergan finally advises mom or dad to establish a ritual from 3 years old and until adolescence. It actually consists of “Ask the child to tell about one thing about their day that made them happy but also one thing that made them suffer. Telling something he didn’t like produces a necessary ritual for the child. This gets him used to expressing himself to his parents.“.
Thus, once he has expressed what is bothering him, the child will be able to fall asleep with this “weight” less, more peaceful. The parent will then be able to reassure him better and find the words. Over time, this moment of exchange becomes a reassuring benchmark for the child. He understands that he can voice his concerns without being judged. And fall asleep feeling listened to, understood, and safe.
