Sighs, vexing, even insolent words … Your teenager does not answer you when you barely speak to him? A therapist recommends this simple sentence to avoid conflict and cries.
Sometimes a dry remark is enough, an exaggerated sigh or a way of a way for the atmosphere exploding at home. In adolescence, verbal tensions are frequent, and many parents feel overwhelmed in front of a child who “responds”. An instruction rejected with insolence, a “You just have to do it yourself” launched with challenge, or a simple “You understand nothing” Or “You know me!“may be enough to transform a banal discussion into open conflict. These exchanges often leave frustrated, injured or helpless parents, no longer really knowing how to react without screaming or punishing.
However, there is another path. In an interview with the Huffington Post UK, the family therapist Michelle Mitchell explains that the key, faced with the insolence of a teenager, is to react immediately, but without surreal. “”Adolescents are testing our limits. And they also observe how we manage our emotions. It is up to us to show them another way of communicating. ” According to her, some very simple sentences, said in a calm, but firm tone, allow to defuse the situation without climbing.
Among the formulas recommended by Michelle Mitchell, two stand out: “Tried” Or “I don’t hear you when you talk to me that way“. These sentences act like a mirror. They force the teenager to become aware of the tone he has just used, without entering a balance of power. “It is a way of placing a clear limit, without getting upset or humiliating. We say: ‘I listen to you, but not like that“Explains the specialist. These answers work because they do not judge the bottom, but the shape. They leave the teenager an exit door to reformulate, recover, and continue to communicate without losing face.
Beyond these sentences, Michelle Mitchell invites parents to keep the link, even in times of crisis. Taking a step back, avoiding hot reactions, offering a break time or postponing a discussion can prevent the situation from degenerating. “Active listening, emotional regulation and benevolence are powerful tools. They show the adolescent that he can express themselves … but with respect.” And when calm returns, reinstating the dialogue, without going back to the tone used, makes it possible to build a more solid relationship, based on confidence rather than on confrontation.
