“We must rethink our way of receiving a criticism, even if it is difficult to hear,” explains the psychologist.
No one likes to be criticized. Faced with a criticism, it is completely normal to feel a whole range of emotions: the surprise if the criticism is unexpected, the shame if it is made in public, the sadness if it comes from someone important or even anger if you feel attacked or judged. “”We can also have behavioral reactions which are not always reflected such as defensive, questioning or silence. These reactions are often linked to our self -esteem and our need to feel accepted. They are automatic and rooted in our defense and protection mechanisms“Explains psychologist Léon Seltzer.
These initial reactions are “normal” but it is possible to learn to manage them and develop a more constructive response to criticism. This requires practice and what psychologists call “a growth mentality”. “”We must rethink our way of receiving a criticism, even if it is difficult to hear. Instead of seeing it as a judgment on our innate capacities, it must be considered as precious information to develop our skillscompletes the expert in Psychology Today. Criticism can help us identify our dead angles. Without realizing it, we develop almost all bad habits – habits which, unwittingly, can offend others, reveal our insensitivity or betray our complacency, our ignorance or our sufficiency“.
The best way to react to a criticism is to stay as calm as possible and polite. Body language and the tone of the voice are as important as the words spoken. Do not justify yourself immediately, listen first and “take” the criticism. To leave you a little time, a sentence like “I appreciate your honesty. Can you give me a specific example of what you mean?“is ideal. It establishes an active dialogue which helps to dissipate the misunderstandings and to show its commitment to understand, rather than to simply reject the reflection as a whole.
After understanding the criticism, take the time to analyze it. Is it founded? Is there a part of truth in what is said, even if the way of saying it was not ideal? Identify the improvement points and what you could do differently in the future. It is not always necessary to act, but to think about it is important, insists Dr. Seltzer. When criticism is constructive and relevant, it is possible to thank the person for their return, even if it was difficult to hear. This shows that you are open to returns and that you value its honesty, thus encouraging a constructive dialogue for the future.
