No need for extension justifications or, worse, lies.
Refusing an invitation is never an easy task, especially when you don’t want to get upset or get angry. However, a job already fulfilled or a simple lack of envy obliges us to decline. “”To say “no” is essential for the management of your time, your energy and for your general well-being, and it is quite possible to do so in a polite and respectful manner, without falling into the guilt or over-justification trap“Explains Susan Newman, psychologist specializing in communication. His book”The Book of No: 250 ways to say it – and think so – and stop wanting people forever“(ed. McGraw-Hill) is a reference on the art of saying” no “.
To decline an invitation without offending, some simple principles can help you. Always start by warmly thank the person for the invitation; It is an essential brand of politeness. Then, favor conciseness and honesty: a simple reason is enough, no need for too much details or, worse, lies. Rather emphasize what you cannot do (“I’m not available”) rather than what you don’t want to do (‘”I’m not motivated”). Finally, if you wish to maintain the link, do not hesitate to offer an alternative date to see you soon.
The following sentence seems the most effective and respectful in almost all situations: “I really appreciate that you have thought of me, unfortunately, my schedule is already very busy at that time. I hope we can see each other another time“, Indicates the psychologist. She emphasizes an external impediment while offering an implicit alternative. Add a cordial”Have a great time“is also a nice touch that shows our benevolence.
Despite our fears, the good news is that the person who invites us will probably be less disappointed or upset than we imagine. A recent study, published by theAmerican Psychological Association (APA), has shown that we tend to overestimate the negative consequences of our refusals. In other words, we fear that the other is very upset, while in reality, he or she generally understands the situation much better than we think. By being polite, clear and sincere, we respect the other while respecting our own limits, and this is what really matters. Most people appreciate sincerity and clarity.
