Going before the family court judge is never an easy ordeal, and you can make mistakes very quickly. Lawyer specializing in family law, Me Nolwenn Leroux explains to us what a magistrate really looks at during a child custody hearing.
A divorce or separation is always a difficult time, but when children come into play, the situation can quickly become complicated. Divergences over the method of education, marital resentment or even disputes about planning… When relations become conflictual between the two parents and important issues must be resolved in court, in particular that of child custody, it is essential to know the unwritten rules to follow and the mistakes to avoid. Maître Nolwenn Leroux, lawyer specializing in family law, sheds light on the behaviors that “game changers” during a hearing before the family affairs judge (JAF).
First, we must know the paradox of justice: “It sometimes takes more than a year to obtain a date, but the hearing is very quick. The judges rarely spend more than a quarter of an hour on it, because they have dozens to manage every day.” The problem with these waiting periods is that the situation between separating parents can become bogged down during this time. And the result is getting to court and getting blown up.”the pressure cooker” by having an inappropriate attitude. “If you annoy a judge who already has very little time to listen to you, it’s a bad start”alerts Me Leroux. The lawyer points out that a hearing to determine the residence of the children (commonly called custody rights), or the right of visitation and accommodation for the other parent (in the case of shared custody), is not done to explain the reasons for the separation: “Often, parents make the mistake of settling their scores in front of the judge.”
“The judge wants to hear your reasoning in relation to the children, so the conflicts in your relationship do not interest him.”explains Nolwenn Leroux. So, the advice she gives to her clients is to remember that parents are not the subject, and to “discredit the other” won’t get anywhere. In a classic situation, free from real failings such as problems of violence or alcoholism in particular, “the law is based on the principle that parents are the best people to find solutions for their children”. So there’s no point in blaming your ex-partner: “Always reposition yourself from the children’s point of view. With this speech, we are going to catch the judge’s ear, because we have managed to leave personal demands aside. Everything else pollutes the debate, and the judge doesn’t even listen.”
Another very common mistake in family matters, which again touches on the resentment between two ex-spouses: not giving all the documents in the file to the other party. “We often see it, because people think they are in an American series. But it is never a good strategy, because a judge will rule based on what he has”specifies the lawyer. Or, he will decide to send the case back and it will be months before a new hearing. So, by wanting to put obstacles in the way of the other parent, it is your own cause that you risk harming.
Finally, when the question of the child comes, Nolwenn Leroux recalls that one of the “big cross” is to want to influence him before his hearing, by explaining to him what he should say or not: “The judge detects this immediately. We feel that these are adult words that have been put into his mouth. It’s very harsh for the child, who is put in a conflict of loyalty between his parents, and no one comes out of the process grown.” In short, during a custody hearing, the only thing that really matters is to always put the well-being of the child at the heart of the debate… and to put purely marital disputes in the closet.
