A bond of trust and love that lasts a lifetime is what all parents dream of. But in reality, many children end up moving away as they get older. According to a researcher, certain behaviors adopted very early can change everything.
It is often said that parents only want one thing: the happiness of their children. If this is true, of course, most also dream of developing a relationship of mutual trust and affection with their offspring. And above all, this closeness lasts over time, including during the famous adolescent crisis, but also when they end up leaving the nest to stand on their own two feet. We see each other and call each other less often, we no longer tell each other all the details of our day, we no longer go on vacation together… We know that the close bond that unites a child to his parents can fade little by little, without us wanting it or even realizing it, particularly in adulthood when everyone lives separately, sometimes a long distance away.
However, many families still manage to maintain an intimate relationship despite lives moving inexorably apart. And if there is no miracle recipe, certain behaviors and parenting precepts influence the closeness that children will maintain with them in the future. This is what Reem Raouda explains to CNBC. A researcher and coach specializing in conscious parenting, she has studied more than 200 children to try to understand the practices and attitudes that must be adopted to build “this deep and lasting bond from a very young age”.
For Reem Raouda, it all comes down to “the little everyday moments that allow the child to know if he can be fully himself with his parents”. Indeed, it is this detail that makes all the difference when it comes to remaining close throughout life: children must feel perfectly confident in expressing their personality, their opinions, their tastes, even when they differ from those of their parents. The parenting expert recommends, for example, letting little ones disagree, without punishing them: “If a child learns early that contradiction leads to conflict, punishment, or withdrawal of your love, he will stop being honest later.” For a healthy and loving relationship, the child must be free from his emotions. And this especially applies to unpleasant feelings: a disagreement, but also crying or screaming, if they are systematically punished without being understood, can lead a child to move away little by little. “If you want your child to confide in you as a teenager, he needs to learn early that his inner world is safe with you.”advises the researcher.
This freedom also applies to the expectations of certain parents: a child who feels too much pressure, whether to get good grades, to do the same sport or the same job as his parents for example, can end up feeling stifled… and again, become emotionally distant from his parents. It’s all a question of trust: “Children conform to the expectations we have of them. When they are overprotected or constantly corrected, they may gradually become more resentful or secretive. Say, ‘I trust you. If you’re having trouble, you can come to me.’ This trust will become the foundation on which they will rely later, when life gets complicated.” And this bond of trust also sometimes involves apologies. When parents go too far and try to fix their misstep, “they teach children that mistakes do not break the relationship”.
In short, to consolidate this close bond that is created during childhood, the most important thing is acceptance. Of course, fully accepting your child does not mean always agreeing with his choices or even being lax in his education, but above all listening to him and making him understand that the love we have for him is not subject to any conditions. And in particular, to trust him “from the beginning and regularly”.
