What are the limits of positive education?

In recent years, thebenevolent education, also called positive educationmakes a lot of talk of it, in good or bad, with parents or childhood professionals. For or against these principles focused on listening to the child’s needs? What are the limits and criticism raised? We take stock with Stephan Valentin, doctor of psychology and specialist in early childhood.

What is benevolent education?

Benefitting education is a mode of education based on empathy and respect for the child, focused on the attitude of the parent towards the child. This way of educating is opposed to any form of violence and is based on simple principles such as “preserve the integrity of the child and consider him as a full -fledged human being, so that there is as he is, give him the right to feel emotions and express them as he seems“explains Stephan Valentin. He adds that the parent must”Take into account the needs of the child as we take into account those of all family members“.

Apply the principles of benevolent education at home is in fixing rules in the presence of the child or with his helpto establish a relationship of trust. He will thus feel involved in family life or ask him if he himself has rules to offer. “”For example, we can organize a family council during which we explain the limits that are important for a harmonious family life“, advises the specialist.

Another great principle of benevolent education is to distinguish the child from his actions. Concretely, it is not the child who is bad, but what he did. Thus, the child believes he has acted badly and he will try to make up for himself to suit the expectations of his parents. The parent, meanwhile, encourages his child to reflect on his behavior.

In addition, benevolent education does not avoid conflicts between parents and children. However, instead of immediately sanctioning the child without explaining to him why he is punished, benevolent education encourages to seek a solution that satisfies the child and the parent. “”As a parent, We are attentive to her child and we build with him a relationship of trust to help him overcome his own limits Instead of systematically imposing it“Said Stephan Valentin.

“The parent is attentive to his child and he builds with him a relationship of trust to help him go beyond his own limits.”

In this mode of education, we are not talking about No awards or punishments. “”If the child does not behave properly, the parent explains to him why his attitude was not good and what this behavior generates as a disturbance. Subsequently, the child can choose to stop his behavior or then seek to find a compromise with the parent.“.

In the same way, positive behavior should not lead to a reward. The parent explains in a natural way how he appreciates the behavior and what he feels. The parent can thank the child for his behavior and the pleasure will be shared on both sides.

What are the limits of benevolent education?

Some childhood specialists point to the finger at limits to benevolent education, including principles arouse a lot of debates. On the parents’ side, the opinions are also varied and different from one family to another. Some parents find it too permissive, while others adopted it on a daily basis.

Doctor Caroline Goldman’s opinion on benevolent education

In her “criticism of positive education” podcast, Caroline Goldman, doctor of child psychology, established 5 limits of benevolent education (also published in the journal Le Carnet Psy n ° 256):

• “Mix the need for love and the need for educational limits (that is to say learning frustration)”
• “The denial of aggressiveness. Positive education considers that the limits will integrate on their own, by dint of love.”
• “The negation of the difference in generations. For Daniel COM, head of service, ‘the fact of making the child a partner of his own education’ is an invisible violence caused by positive education.”
• “The limits of the concrete application of this ideology. It condemns any form of parental repression by stating everything that should not be done.”
• “Benevolent education is a market based on guilty and rude instrumentalization of neuroscientific data. Culpabilization is the engine of this business.”

What are the books on positive education?

Many Books on positive education find themselves today on the shelves of booksellers. Here is a selection of works written by professionals in this mode of education.

• Positive discipline, by Jane Nelson and Béatrice Sabaté (Marabout editions).
• Raise your child differentlyfrom Catherine Dumonteil-Kremer (the editor beach).
• The 50 golden rules of positive educationfrom Bénédicte Péibère and Solenne Roland-Riché (Larousse editions).
• Fulfilled parents, fulfilled children: a guide for a happier familyby Adèle Faber and Elaine Mazlish (I read editions).
• I tried everything !, Isabelle Filliozat (JC Lattès editions).
• Benevolent parents, awake children: the 10 keys to efficient education, by Laurence Dudek (FIRST editions).
• Positive education, d’Eve Aboucaya (Marabout editions).