How to promote self -esteem in children? From what age? What are the consequences of social networks? Answers with Christophe André, psychiatrist and psychotherapist.
(Update of April 12, 2022). The new generation grows with new technology and social networks such as Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram or Facebook, which are part of the common means of communication to exchange with friends. What teens love above all? Take pretty photos to publish them on their accounts, but not just any way! Selfies must sublimate, thanks to the different filters that smoothed the skin, reduce the size of the nose, enlarge the gaze or make the complexion perfect. Except that in reality, young people may no longer accept their own appearance. Advice by Christophe André, psychiatrist, psychotherapist and author of “La vie interior” to the iconoclast editions.
What does self -esteem relate?
There are three components in self -esteem, the main one of which is physical appearance. Indeed, even if we are not just about our body, it is still a “showcase” and what others perceive first. Other aspect: The feeling of popularitythat is to say, the feeling that I have to be appreciated by others and to have my place with them. But here again, we can clearly see the damage that social networks can cause, by amplifying the phenomenon of social judgment. Finally, The third dimension of self -esteem refers to skills. For example, if I am strong in sport, or I have a particular artistic talent, I then feel valued.
Self-esteem: at what age are children concerned?
Experts consider that Self -awareness starts in children, between the age of 4 and 6 years. This is indeed the moment when the child begins to question the look that classmates and other children are about them. Moreover, The Coopersmith scale, which is the best known for assessing self-esteem in children, is offered from 7-8 years.
As with everything, parents show the example to children. They may first wonder, what attention they themselves relate to their appearance, how long they pass in front of the screens or, how they manage conflicts, failures, etc. Moreover, You have to pay attention to the emotional state of your child, Because often, parents underestimate their discomfort, especially in the event of school harassment. In addition, one can explain to his teenager that it is normal to want to please, take care of his appearance, want to make friends, reminding him that he also has skills, and that we must not abuse virtual. PSealing human relations, by inviting his friends to play at home, and do not hesitate to enhance him. However, it is not enough to tell him that it is beautiful and exceptional at the risk that he becomes narcissistic, but to remind him that he is also Courageous, intelligent, that he is right not to let it go and that he is like other children. Encourage him in very varied fields, and finally, confide in him. By talking to him about the problems you may have had at his age, it will make him realize that he is not alone in living these uncertainties, and that nothing is final.
What is the impact of social networks on self -esteem?
It is the social comparison that is disturbing. We never judge our value in absolute terms, but we always judge it in relation to what others have and what they do. Result : We do not stop comparing ourselves in relation to our body, our clothes, our diplomas, our culture, etc. It is a natural mechanism, nestled at the heart of our brains, and it would even be “illusory” to hope never to compare yourself to others. Note that Social comparison begins from kindergarten and primary school, during the first socializations, with the desire to belong to a group. Consequently, when a teenager is rejected on the internet, we then speak of “cyber-ostracism” because this social and virtual rejection is also painful-if it is no more-that the real expulsion of a group, especially due to the larger number of people who attends this exclusion.
“We are witnessing a digitalization of our lifestyles”
The problem is that these comparisons are misleading on social networks, and play against us! We are witnessing a digitalization of our lifestyles. On Instagram for example, we scroll photos from our friends or stars who show themselves in their best day (people appear in shape, surrounded by friends, on vacation or in the evening, etc.). The other question posed by social networks is the exacerbation of social approval (the obsession of having likes, followers …). This is why it is essential to educate citizens of today and tomorrow at the Vigilance of lies conveyed by social networks, which influence the self -esteem of teens. In addition, studies have shown that young people who frequent social networks the most, are more prone than others to social anxiety and depression. And conversely, social networks tend to attract the most fragile young people.
Social comparison has consequences on self -esteem
One in two girls in the world has a negative image of herself. However, to feel good about yourself, you have to go beyond appearances. And it involves good self -esteem. The problem is that our society is constantly pushing us to compare ourselves to others, especially via social networks. It then becomes essential to aware of children from an early age, in order to give them self -confidence. “”This dimension of self -esteem is important in the psychological balance of children, adolescents and even adults“, Specifies Christophe André. “For self-esteem, which is the synthesis of the gaze and judgment that we have on ourselves, has repercussions both on our emotional well-being and on our behavior, according to the way in which we judge ourselves“He adds.
What are the consequences of self -esteem deficit?
Christophe André : “Am I satisfied with what I represent and the image I refer?” If the answer is “no” and therefore, in the event of lack of self-esteem, a child may be confronted with avoidance behavior, withdrawal on himself, as well as school failure. There is indeed a link between self -esteem and emotional feelings, hence the presence of depressive or anxious states in cases of self -esteem deficit. The child may therefore be afraid of being judged, and fear the gaze of others … Conversely, the days when we feel a little discouraged or in check, it also has an impact on our self -esteem.
Interview in 2018
