When even children are victims of violence against their mothers

Today’s anniversary of November 25, International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Womenand, established by the United Nations in 1999, highlights the civil and moral duty to never forget those families and those domestic walls in which family relationships, instead of being the main resource of protection and well-being, become prisons and places of abuse and violence for too many women and too many boys and girls. The worst possible betrayal, when who should be your main ally, defender and guardian becomes your worst executioner. And we must not forget the different faces of violence either, all dramatic the more they become daily practice, from the extremes of physical, even deadly, aggression to the constant psychological and mental cruelty that can destroy trust, self-esteem and even hope on a daily basis. of the weakest.
From this perspective, the training day on 20 November (another important date, World Children’s Rights Day) was particularly significant.Lombardy Regional Order of Social Workers he promoted up “Invisible witnesses. Violence witnessed by children. Where we are and where we would like to be”, organized with conviction collaboration of the CISF, which saw the presence of over 200 participants, from all services. In fact, “we often don’t stop to think about what it must be like for a four-year-old to see furious mum and dad screaming. Dad and mum are gigantic, they loom over him like titans, and there is no one who can help him, because those who should protect him are his attackers. The Witch, the Ogre are the metaphor of father and mother when parents are terrible, and parents can be, no one can be like them. When a child is attacked by adults he dreams of escaping among the Seven Dwarfs, into a child-friendly world where no one is bigger than him” (Silvana De Mari, The dragon as reality. The historical and metaphorical meanings of fantasy literatureSalani, Milan 2007, p. 65).
The numerous contributions throughout the day highlighted both the growing attention of the services towards the “helpless witnesses of domestic violence”, and the dramatic complexity of the interventions. In particular, the promotion of an ever closer network between all the actors in contact with children, from the judicial system to schools, from social services to psychological and psychiatric services, seemed essential and urgent, bringing multidisciplinary skills around the table. Another priority – and complex – aspect was the temporal dimension: intervene as soon as possible, at the first signs of violence, intervene promptly, with protective interventions for the children involved, intervene with paths of reception, support and long-term care, because the wounds and traumas that a child suffers are not treated only with the necessary protection of the first intervention, but require a long time of listening, acceptance, containment and protection.
Particularly significant was the closing of the day, which saw the reading aloud of The great flightan illustrated volume for children explicitly dedicated to witnessing violence, based on a story by Fulvia Degl’Innocenti (journalist from Christian familyas well as an experienced children’s author), designed by Silvia Colombo. Why children who have witnessed episodes of violence in their homes need to be able to give voice to this trauma, and a picture book can be a valuable tool in helping relationships: acknowledging the drama: “At Nina’s house there are evenings when everything flies. Plates fly, thrown like frisbees, landing in many pieces… seethey also burn the HANDS, which leave red MARKS on the skin. Words as sharp as blades fly most often… Nina watches all that fluttering huddled behind an armchair…” but also giving space to hope, because if we intervene and offer safe refuges “in Nina’s new house things have stopped flying…” and finally “there are evenings in which to curl up in your mother’s arms” (Fulvia Degl’Innocenti, Silvia Colombo, The great flightAstragalo Editions, Novara, 2022).