Eldest, youngest or youngest of a sibling, they all develop different personalities as they grow up. And this is then felt when it comes time to raise their own children. A psychology doctor explains how birth order affects our parenting style.
Anyone who grew up with brothers and sisters will say it: although raised by the same parents, the eldest, youngest or youngest of a sibling are not really educated in the same way. Very often, the first child benefits from greater attention and is assigned more responsibilities, but also at the same time less freedom than the following ones, who grow up with parents already experienced in the exercise. Scientific studies also show that older adults benefit from better cognitive stimulation than their younger brothers and sisters: parents devote more time to them, whether for reading, homework, or other educational activities, because they do not have other children to look after.
“Parents are generally more attentive, more focused, think more about how to approach each situation and are very attentive to the needs of their (first) child”analyzes Jennifer Katzenstein – director of the psychology department at Johns Hopkins University Hospital, in the United States – on the American site Parents. And precisely, this difference in education in childhood has an impact on the personality of the elders, and on the development of their own parental style when they have children of their own.
According to the doctor of psychology, older siblings often adopt similar behavior when it comes time to educate their own children. Their watchwords? Responsibility, authority, organization… but also sometimes perfectionism, anxiety and stress. Jennifer Katzenstein explains that seniors often have a Type A personality: “They worry more about failure. They are very attentive, extremely aware of everyone’s emotions and needs, and constantly reacting to them.” Big brothers and sisters have a very pronounced attention to detail, which can be both a quality and a fault, especially when we know that it is very difficult to control everything when it comes to a child’s education.
Unlike more laid-back Type B personalities, seniors have difficulty “let things happen”and tend to be more authoritarian parents. “They can be a little firmer with their children, want to impose their vision of education and be very strict”notes the specialist. So, there is no room for improvisation: at home, we respect fixed rules and a very scheduled routine. And if everyday life turns everything upside down, as it knows how to do, the elders will be more easily subject to stress than their younger siblings. Moreover, this goal of perfection is also felt in the expectations they place on their own children. Jennifer Katzenstein explains that firstborns are more likely to set the bar high for their children, emphasizing performance, but also accountability and self-management of problems.
Of course, this is only “general”, because “Birth order does not define who we are”. At least, not entirely. As the doctor of psychology points out, everyone is capable of adapting their behavior, especially when it comes to parental education: “What works for one child may not work for another. So it’s essential to be flexible in how we raise our children and not be too rigid.”
