If your children also bicker constantly, follow the advice of Anne Gavini, author of the book “10 tips from parents to manage arguments between brothers and sisters”.
The small (or large) arguments between brothers and sisters are part of the vagaries of family life. However, it is important to understand the origin of these arguments and to know how to react in these cases. Anne Gavini, author of the book “10 parents of parents to manage arguments between brothers and sisters” gives us her advice.
Why are the brothers and sisters arguing?
Anne Gavini: The subject of disputes varies according to the age of the children. Small, they often bicker about an object, a toy, a garment or other. Larger, conflicts more concern for the concepts of territory, everyone’s room, place in the sofa, etc. Physiological causes (fatigue, nervousness, hunger …) often amplify the phenomenon. Certain situations at risk too: moments of boredom (in the evening before meals), break in rhythm (long car route) or change of habits (holidays, outings but also presence of a third-party-visit of a friend or a family member for example).
Do these arguments hide deeper problems?
Very often children bicker to attract the attention of their parents. Besides, when adults are away, conflicts fall back … sometimes this desire to capture the parents’ gaze reflects a real discomfort. Children wonder about the love granted to them. This is, for example, the case when one of the children feels injured in relation to the other, that a mother crosses a depression, that the arrival of a little brother or a little sister disturbs everyday life or a family is recomposed.
You have to find a happy medium. Keep a distance when children can manage on their own and intervene when the situation lasts or degenerates into words or acts. Most of the time, as it is a reaction that children expect, if the parents realize the conflicts and take the time to talk about it with them, the situation improves. You also have to know how to unravel the sufferings of each individually, because within the siblings, children do not behave in the same way. If the conflict settles between two members of the siblings in particular and extends over time, it is necessary to worry and possibly consult.
Are these conflicts inevitable?
Absolutely ! You have to end the myth of an ideal family! The bickering allow the brothers and sisters to learn communication, negotiation, sharing, respect for others and rules. Especially since parents who consider conflict as an absolute drama will reactivate tensions. They have every interest in taking a step back! The proof: when the father, often less present and therefore less involved, intervenes, the argument stops more easily.
