There are one, sometimes two days a month. I’m really a bad mother. Irritable and slightly aggressive. When things go wrong, I yell at my children. Patience? None.
Then I get my period and everything goes back to normal. I apologize to my children and explain my strange behavior to them.
My son now says “Mom, I think you’re getting your period” on these days. I never wanted to give off the image of the “hormone-controlled woman” and yet I often feel controlled, as if I don’t have myself under control. My children sometimes even notice it before I do – because my PMS tells me perfectly every month that this is just how it is. That everything was really so stressful and insoluble and exhausting. I keep falling for it. And only after I exploded do I realize that it wasn’t me – it was my PMS self.
But a stark realization over the last few months, in which I’m only with my children every other week, is that when I’m alone, I hardly notice premenstrual syndrome, as it’s full name is.
Sometimes not AT ALL. When I have peace and quiet and no stress, no everyday child life and less friction, then I can deal with the hormonal fluctuations so much better. Again and again it doesn’t even come to light. Or once, I was visiting one of my closest friends in Denmark during the PMS phase. Everything was so beautiful there and idyllic by the sea. Because of the hormones I took it rather more intensely, it felt emotional, but good emotional. I didn’t have any stress, it was a really good time.
Crazy, right? I was discussing this with a friend recently and she agreed that PMS is much less severe when you can rest. Because you can take care of yourself because you’re not so busy. It makes so much sense. You also often read it in guides: sleep at least eight hours (the need for sleep is increased due to the hormonal changes), take plenty of breaks, try relaxation methods such as meditation. In general: create opportunities for retreat.
Since then, we have both advised friends with small children in particular to “outsource” them the day before their period. Dad has to go, or grandma has to. Or you can bring the children to a family friend. Of course, that’s not always easy to implement, that’s for sure. Above all, for many people the cycle is not super regular, which means long-term planning becomes difficult. But try it. And above all, try not to be so strict with yourself. Maybe the kids will stay at daycare a little longer today so you can have a cup of tea in peace? Or you can just watch a film in the afternoon and snuggle up on the couch together. Also trying somehow to reduce stimuli. And to postpone appointments if possible. You just won’t be as productive as usual in the days leading up to your period, and that’s okay.
This can be so so helpful. Because then you can spend the PMS day (or days, for many it is several days) more calmly. Withdraw. Maybe this time will even pass without any outbursts or bad feelings.
And above all, without the feeling of being a bad mother.
Here is Daniela’s article on PMS and Marie wrote here about PMDD, a very severe form of PMS. This is also about PMDS.
