Accompanying the life that is born was his profession. Vittoria Lizzi, 31, worked as a midwife for a few years, supporting women and couples during pregnancy. Then, however, she found herself on the other side of the bed, to deal with a series of losses that profoundly changed his personal and professional path.
«I approached the profession with the idea that motherhood could be something positive, something that still gives joy, a very interesting path, a lot of change». His story, however, took a direction he never imagined.
In the departments and clinics where she works, Vittoria also encounters the less talked about face of motherhood. Not only births and the joy of waiting, but also pregnancies that end and the pain of couples who have to face a loss. «By studying and working I began to deal with a series of issues, including reproductive bereavement, but always from a professional perspective, without this ever affecting me personally». Until that reality, observed for years as a professional, knocks on the door of his life. Not just once, but five times.
“I had these five reproductive deaths,” he explains. “Actually different types: from spontaneous abortions to much earlier abortions, up to internal abortions, so basically situations in which I didn’t have any symptoms and the pregnancy simply didn’t progress.” Each loss was different. But they all left a profound mark, not only in his personal life, but also in the way he lived his work. «I found myself living a personal situation that very often was almost in antithesis to what I then had to do at work».
On one side there was the woman trying to process her pain. On the other, the midwife called to accompany other women and other couples who were going through similar experiences. “Perhaps I happened to help and support women and couples during bereavements while I was experiencing it too.”
At a certain point he understood that he could no longer support both dimensions: «I understood that I could not carry out both things at the same time. I also needed to process my grief and then eventually be able to provide the correct support that these women needed.” So he decides to move away from clinical activity. «I moved away from midwifery and decided to undertake another type of professional path».
A completely new phase of his life begins. She herself defines it as “a totally non-linear professional path”. From the healthcare world she moved to the entrepreneurial world, co-founding two companies and gaining experiences that she never imagined she would have. Looking back, however, she recognizes that those very trials helped transform her. «If I hadn’t had these abortions, I wouldn’t even have made two exits of two companies. I probably would have remained as a midwife forever.”
She doesn’t look for easy explanations for what happened to her. When asked why, he answers sincerely. «It’s those million-dollar questions. If I had the answer to why it happened or why to me, I probably wouldn’t have even gotten to five abortions». What he has learned, however, is that pain can be navigated and transformed. «What has certainly helped me is trying to turn all these situations into something positive». And, to achieve this, she also relied on a psychological path: “I entrusted myself to the right people.”
Alongside working on herself, she began to develop an awareness. As a midwife, she knew well the support system offered to those facing pregnancy loss. As a woman who had lived that same experience, she saw its limitations even more clearly. «Today the support available for those experiencing these situations is still very limitedor. What is offered by the National Health Service, the private sector or associations exists, but it is often fragmented and difficult to identify for those who need it.”
From this observation the idea of was born Resiliathe project he is working on today together with other professionals. “For me it kind of closes the circle,” he says. The start-up, currently in development, aims to offer support to women and couples facing bereavement related to pregnancy or the reproductive sphere. A multidisciplinary team was formed around Vittoria made up of professionals from different fields: women’s health specialists, technology experts, legal consultants and mental health professionals. «The thing I tried to do from the beginning was surround myself with competent people».
The idea is to create a platform that allows people to receive reliable information and guidance at a particularly delicate moment in their lives. «We are creating a platform that allows you to receive information and qualified support through a chat, with answers validated by specialized professionals». The requests can concern many different aspects: «This means both information and support from a clinical, psychological and employment law point of view».
According to Victoria, one of the reasons why perinatal bereavement continues to be little talked about concerns the cultural weight that still accompanies the topic of abortion. «If one talks about abortion, one is always referring to voluntary abortion. This brings a whole series of stigmas, preconceptions, stereotypes.” But it is not the only reason: «Already in general talking about mourning, therefore talking about death, is a very weighty topic that we try to avoid». Added to this are feelings that many women know well. «There is a lot of fear of talking about it. A little shame, a little guilt. There is fear of judgement, fear of exposing oneself». For this reason he believes it is essential to create protected spaces in which people can ask for help without feeling judged: “This reduces the fear of exposing oneself, the sense of shame and the fear of talking about what one has experienced.”
Today he feels he has made an important journey. «I worked a lot on myself and my relationship with my husband. This allowed me to process those losses». But the journey cannot be said to be over. «Actually even work at Resilia It’s helping me process my grief.”
Before saying goodbye, I ask her what she would say to the Vittoria of a few years ago, the one who left the hospital after one of the losses. For the first time the answer comes without hesitation: «I would tell you that I feel very sorry for you and that it is definitely not your fault. She is not alone.” Then he adds: «Also that it will be the beginning of a very different life than he had thought, but that in the end things will be fine».
The motherhood she had imagined has not yet arrived. But hope does. “Even though it hasn’t happened yet, I’m trying to try again.”
