Stress is at its peak for high school students. And, without realizing it, some parents add extra pressure. An education expert reveals the number one behavior to avoid.
The countdown is on. Between the patent, baccalaureate or end-of-year exams in higher education, the month of June turns into a marathon for students. Revision sheets pile up, calendars fill up and discussions around deadlines sometimes take up a lot of space. In this context, parents naturally seek to support their children. However, certain attitudes, even guided by the best intentions, can produce the opposite effect.
Caroline Maitrot, founder of Nomad Education, an application dedicated to academic support, regularly observes this phenomenon among the adolescents she supports. For her, a clue makes it possible to understand that a student is under pressure that goes beyond the simple academic framework. “The most revealing sign is when the student no longer talks about the exam itself but about the reaction of his parents. He does not say: ‘I’m afraid of failing’, but rather: ‘I don’t want to disappoint them’. The issue then shifts from academic performance to family validation.” The exam then ceases to be solely a personal objective. It also becomes a way of meeting family expectations.
Very concretely, if she were to ask parents to stop just one thing before the exams, the specialist would respond without hesitation: “Stop transforming the exam into the central subject of family life. The more we talk about a deadline as if it were decisive, the more space it takes up in the child’s mind.” For her, it is from this moment that the interest in the revisions gradually shifts towards a form of pressure. Indeed, some parents want to help at all costs and end up taking too important a place in the organization of their child’s work. “Many parents seek to optimize revisions, organize the schedule, remind people of what remains to be done. However, during adolescence, success also involves learning to be independent. We help a young person more by letting them manage their preparation than by trying to do it for them,” recalls Caroline Maitrot.
Repetitive questions can also be problematic. “Are you ready?”, “Did you revise well?”, “Are you sure you’re not forgetting anything?” These phrases reassure adults, but they are not always received that way. “Often, the child hears a constant evaluation. Even when the question is well-intentioned, it can be perceived as a source of additional stress.” Teenagers generally know very well what they have to do. They know the dates, the programs and the issues. Constant reminders do not change their level of preparation. On the other hand, they can reinforce the impression of being observed or judged.
To effectively support a teenager, Caroline Maitrot recommends moving the center of the conversation. “Ask ‘How are you feeling?’ is often more useful than asking ‘How many chapters have you revised?’ Emotional support generally has more impact than academic support in the final days.” Students also need to talk about something else, to maintain ordinary moments and to take a breather between two work sessions.
