All parents deny it or feel guilty at the idea of admitting it, yet it happens that one child requires more patience than another. A parenting coach explains why this situation is very common and what it can reveal.
No parent likes to admit that they lose their temper more easily with one of their children, but this feeling exists and it is not abnormal. Indeed, a child can monopolize more attention, cause more tension or press exactly where there is a reaction. That doesn’t mean that we love him less, it mainly reflects a relationship that functions differently and that can become a real source of questions. This subject, often passed over in silence for fear of judgment, is at the heart of a speech by Noémie de Saint-Sernin, parenting coach, relayed by ADNtv. According to her, this phenomenon is not exceptional. On the contrary, it is common enough to merit attention without making parents feel guilty. The idea is not to find the culprit, but to understand why some parent-child relationships are more explosive than others.
In a sibling group, each child has his own character, his own rhythm, his own needs and his own way of communicating. Some demand a lot of attention, others negotiate everything, while a few seem capable of turning the smallest detail into an endless debate. The parents, too, arrive with their history, their education, their limits and their fatigue. All these elements intersect on a daily basis and explain why certain personalities get along more easily than others. It is therefore not a question of preference, but of relational dynamics.
Noémie de Saint-Sernin has a very clear explanation for this phenomenon: the child who annoys the most is the one who most resembles his or her parent. It awakens character traits, behaviors or wounds that the adult already knows very well, sometimes without being aware of them. For her, it is also the key to improving the relationship. “It is time, thanks to this child, to repair the wounds of your inner child. Because often, what your inner child lacked is what this child also lacks. This is what you struggle to give him or her.” she confides. By becoming aware of this mechanism, it becomes easier to escape automatic reactions.
Moreover, according to the specialist, children are not only those we support towards adulthood. They also participate, without wanting to, in helping their parents evolve. In her speech, she explains: “We are told that we raise children, but for me, it is they who really make us grow. In conscience, in kindness, in many things.” She even believes that these situations can lead to more progress than long personal work, provided you agree to look at them differently.
