Identifying this jealousy helps maintain peace of mind and establish healthy boundaries, says therapist Melissa Legere.
Have you ever received a review that left you with a bitter taste, without really understanding why? There are constructive comments, which help us move forward, and then there are those that come out of nowhere, free and strangely targeted. In psychology, this phenomenon has a name: mirror criticism. If a person around you (colleague, false friend or family member) suddenly turns on you, it is not because you are acting badly, but surely a sign that they are consumed by jealousy.
Recognizing this behavior is important to avoid suffering from it. As Melissa Legere, marriage and family therapist, explains in the American media Parade, “Identifying this jealousy helps you maintain peace of mind and establish healthy boundaries. This helps to approach relationships with more discernment so as not to be caught off guard by passive-aggressive attacks“By understanding the hidden mechanism behind this wickedness, we prevent it from reaching us.
But then, what is this famous tipping point? According to experts, the “precise point” where jealousy comes to light is downplaying your success. If someone calculatedly repeats typical phrases to you like: “It’s not that exceptional (what you did)” or “Either way, anyone can do it“, the mask falls. She directly attacks the legitimacy of your victory so as not to have to confront it.
In psychology, this attitude is easily analyzed: the other refuses to validate your joy because your success cruelly sends him back to his own stagnation. By devaluing what you have accomplished through great effort, the jealous person tries to convince himself that you have nothing more than him. In the same logic, the therapist points out that he can also try to appropriate your merit with a sneaky sentence such as: “It’s thanks to my advice that you succeeded“. Unable to see the light on you, he tries to steal a piece of it to reassure his wounded ego.
Faced with this “mirror criticism”, the best weapon remains indifference. Trying to justify yourself or prove your worth only feeds the envious person’s need for attention. By remaining absolutely calm and responding with a simple “It’s your point of view and I respect it” to these barbs, you break the vicious circle. Your success is yours, and the fact that it bothers you is sometimes the most striking proof that you are exactly where you need to be.
