On the occasion of the International Day of Kindness, it’s time to look at this important virtue but which can quickly make us feel guilty. Franck Martin, author of various works on kindness, helps us to live it better.
November 3 is International Day of Kindness. A quality that we all want to possess and develop… But let’s face it, being kind 24 hours a day is a feat. Enough to make us feel guilty. And besides, what exactly does “being kind” mean? “. Franck Martin, former business manager and advertising executive, director of Congruences, a company specializing in communication and team management, and author of “Gentillesse… mes glutes” (ed. Eyrolles) has his idea. “ For me, kindness is the strong arm of love. It is kindness in action, attitudes, an ability to welcome others, altruism, a look… We live in a time where kindness is considered a weakness but you can never be too kind. “, he declares.
Kindness, a universal virtue
Franck Martin explains that each child is charged with benevolence and kindness at birth. As he grows up, he seeks the attention and love of the people around him. He is faced with everyone’s demands, having to calm down, keep quiet… He then tries to curb his impulses to please and obtain this recognition. “ We are beggars of love. Kindness should be free but in reality it never is because we are constantly seeking the love of others, a kind return towards us. We forget ourselves to respond to the desires of the other, for fear of disappointing them. But we have the right not to always be nice », adds Franck Martin. According to him, everyone thinks they are.
Admit your limits
Sometimes, we are aware of not having been kind at a particular moment in our personal or professional life, of having made a vexing reflection, of not having taken into account the opinion of someone even though they had invested on a project, to respond curtly because we are stressed and tired, etc. This awareness can lead to feeling guilty. “ But wanting to eradicate evil is not possible because you yourself become evil. In the same way, let’s try not to judge others because we don’t know their motivations, what they are. Everyone tries to be good at their story. Above all, it’s about admitting that we’re doing what we can. », specifies Franck Martin. Thus, no one in this world is perfectly good or bad, everyone carries within them a part of darkness and light.
Get rid of guilt
An observation that leads us to stop pitting the good guys against the bad guys and to be more lenient towards others, but above all towards ourselves. It comes down to accepting that you are not the Saint that everyone expects you to be or would like to be. To do this, the author advises doing some introspection, to see what might have caused us to be less caring at a particular moment (painful personal history, criticism received, violence, overwork, etc.). It helps you forgive yourself. It is also about understanding that as a human being, we have emotions, impulses that attack us. “ We cannot prevent them but we can welcome them, be aware of them in order to forgive ourselves and others, rehumanize ourselves. », adds Franck Martin.
And at work, how do you react if you lack kindness?
Here again, we accept that we are not always perfect and that we can lack tact at times. Of course, it is better to avoid this being too recurring at the risk of creating animosity between colleagues. If we feel remorseful, we do not hesitate to apologize. When you are a manager yourself, there may be more reluctance to take this step. “ We are in a spirit of authority and we tend to think that a boss should not have to say that he was wrong, that he was unfair. But knowing how to recognize your mistakes is to show your human side », Slips Franck Martin.
It also helps to be respected by your teams and it sends the signal that everyone has the right to be wrong, to make mistakes, to not be perfect but that we seek to repair and improve for the good of all.
Dorothée Blancheton
