Forget punishments and shouting: in Japan, parents transform everyday life thanks to a unique art of living that changes everything. An age-old approach that naturally promotes calm and autonomy in children.
Who has never observed, a little enviously, the Olympian calm of certain children on the other side of the world? In the streets of Tokyo, parks or restaurants, little Japanese children often surprise with their serenity, their politeness and their early autonomy, far from the crying fits in the supermarket that French parents are sometimes confronted with. Don’t panic or feel guilty though: this is not an innate magic formula, but a very specific educational approach. Without judging our own often frantic Western rhythms, it is fascinating to look at this philosophy which allows us to cultivate peace at home, while awakening the natural curiosity of young people.
Lisa Katayama has experienced this harmonious transition to a more peaceful daily life. After leaving Tokyo to settle in the United States, this mother chose to apply the precepts of her childhood to raise her two children in the heart of American tumult. His secret? Draw inspiration from the pillars of Japanese culture to find an anchor point. “As a young mother, I felt the need to find more calm, more connection with myself, more order in the ocean of chaos where I could easily have drowned,” she confided to the British newspaper The Independent. For her, the adaptation of this model is universal. “There is no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to raising children, but I believe that some fundamental Japanese principles – like respect, community and mindfulness – translate beautifully into everyday family life.“
To create this atmosphere, this mother relies on very concrete daily rituals. She first teaches her children to greet those around them warmly and politely, a habit that makes them aware of the value of others. At home, tidying up becomes a shared responsibility: rather than doing things for them, it actively involves them so that they take care of their space, in a way that respects that of others. Furthermore, meals begin with a ritual of gratitude, and conflicts are an opportunity to develop empathy by always asking the child to imagine what the other person may have felt. Finally, the simple act of removing one’s shoes when entering the house, in addition to cleanliness, symbolizes a transition towards calm within the home.
Beyond these small actions, the entire Japanese parenting method is based on deep and caring values. Above all, it emphasizes unconditional love, the feeling of belonging to a community and total harmony with nature. Rather than punishing or isolating, we seek to preserve the bond and cohesion of the group. It is by growing up in this safe environment, where nature is a source of calm and inspiration, that children develop not only respectful behavior towards their environment, but also a great freedom of mind which nourishes their creativity.
No need to import all of Japanese culture into your living room, the main thing is to enjoy what makes you feel good. Dear parents, feel free from guilt: the perfect education does not exist and every little step counts. To start, you can simply build on the example. Children learn by observing us: if we take the time to sincerely greet the baker, slow down the pace and savor a moment without a screen, they will naturally adopt these reflexes. Establishing a short moment of disconnection or a musical tidying game are simple gestures, accessible to all, which sow the seeds of a much more peaceful family life.
