Having self-confidence is a good thing. Believing yourself above others, much less so. A psychologist reveals the 3 benchmarks that help a child grow without developing an exaggerated view of their own importance.
All young children go through a phase where they naturally place themselves at the center of their universe. This is a normal stage of development. They have difficulty waiting, rarely tolerate frustration and consider their desires a priority. Nothing worrying so far. According to clinical psychologist Shahrzad Jalali, this functioning is even part of the construction of identity. The real issue appears later, when the child grows up and must learn that others exist with their needs, their emotions and their limits.
The specialist points out that a child is not destined to develop a narcissistic personality disorder because he appears demanding or self-centered at three or four years old. This disorder, which is characterized in particular by a feeling of superiority, a constant need for admiration and a lack of empathy, is a much more complex clinical reality. On the other hand, certain behaviors or certain educational habits can favor the installation of narcissistic traits over time. For her, the question is not whether a child thinks that the world revolves around him, but whether he continues to believe it as he gets older.
Very concretely, to limit the risk of seeing an oversized ego take hold, Shahrzad Jalali recommends focusing one’s attention on three specific points. The first is to combine clear boundaries with real emotional connection. A child must understand that certain rules are non-negotiable, while knowing that his parents’ affection does not depend on his current behavior. The second piece of advice is to value effort, approaches and values rather than just results. When a child only feels recognized when he succeeds, he risks building his self-esteem on performance. Finally, the third axis is based on the development of empathy, in particular by helping the child to identify what others feel and to take into account points of view different from their own.
Note that, for a long time, the main fear was to think that overly admiring parents produced children convinced of being exceptional. The reality is more nuanced. Shahrzad Jalali observes that children who feel ignored, constantly compared to others, or lacking emotional support can also develop an unbalanced self-image. Behind an appearance of great confidence sometimes hides a significant fragility. The objective is therefore not to flatter more nor to become more severe, but to find a coherent framework allowing the child to build solid self-esteem.
