In psychology, crossing your arms is often misinterpreted. Forget everything you’ve been told: here are the two secret messages you’re really sending without knowing it.
In psychology, we often think that a person who folds their arms is closed to discussion. This idea of a lack of openness is in reality a stubborn myth, inherited from the 60s and 70s. It has been widely disseminated by old management and coaching manuals. But according to Maxime Nourrichard, expert and Educational Director of the European Institute of Synergology, crossing our arms does not mean at all what we think.
This is an observation that we have all already made: in the middle of a passionate discussion, we suddenly realize that our arms are crossed on our chest or we observe that our interlocutor has suddenly crossed theirs while speaking to us. A sign of closing the dialogue? A defensive attitude? To know if a person is truly closed, you actually have to look at their hands. If the hands remain visible on the arms, the sign is positive. On the other hand, if they completely disappear under the armpits “It’s never a good sign.”. However, this is not the main meaning of individuals crossing their arms.
Synergology, which deciphers non-verbal language, sees it as proof of interest. When a person crosses their arms, they are actually sending two messages. First, she tries to stabilize her body to better concentrate on what her interlocutor is saying. Hands, although practical, can become cumbersome and generate unconscious discomfort which interferes with listening. “We feel the need to cross our arms to forget our hands, to forget our body which can interfere with the quality of the relationship”reveals the specialist. By “tidying up” your limbs, you free up mental space to become a better listener. “I cross my arms, I feel better. It’s good, now I can listen to you”he deciphers.
Two, the person who crosses their arms creates a bubble of comfort to follow a discussion attentively. This is particularly true among more introverted or vigilant profiles. These people use this posture as a security mechanism to manage the relationship at their own pace, without being closed off. “They think a little more than the others” continues the specialist. In other words, contrary to popular belief, crossing one’s arms often reflects commitment to listening and a need for mental and physical comfort. During a conversation, shy people can also form a triangle with their hands to help themselves be more charismatic.
When deciphering a posture, it is always important to distinguish the one who is speaking from the one who is listening. The speaker needs his hands to stimulate his brain areas and structure his thoughts, while the listener gains attention by remaining still. “In a listening situation, we find it easier to cross our arms. But as soon as we are about to speak, poof, then our arms will uncross”observes the expert. The advice to remember for your next conversation? Don’t judge appearances too quickly: an interlocutor with crossed arms, but whose hands remain in plain sight, is often someone who gives you total and sincere attention. And don’t forget that a sincere smile on your part helps avoid a possible distance with your interlocutor.
