This year too, with spring, comes the time to celebrate First Communions and Confirmations. An important step for the little ones and their families; the latter, however, are gripped by a great doubt: what do we give to our son/daughter?
Too often the answer to this question is the smartphone. An instrument that ten or eleven year old children already crave: whether because their classmate has it, or because they see that their parents always have it at hand. There are many reasons why you should opt for another gift, we have tried to identify the most important with the help of Stefania Garassini, writer and journalist, who has dealt with the topic in depth in her book Smartphones. 12 reasons not to give it as a gift at your First Communion or even at Confirmation.
Many parents justify the choice of a smartphone as a gift for Communion or Confirmation by saying that it is good for their children to immediately learn to move in the digital world. Why, in reality, is giving a smartphone to a 9 or 11 year old not an educational move, but rather a delegation that can prove dangerous?
«It is certainly right to start moving in the digital world, but it is even more important to learn to move well in the physical world. Anything that promotes real autonomy – small errands or first trips alone – is much more important than owning a smartphone.
In my book I compare the smartphone to a Ferrari: we would never give it into the hands of a new driver. It is not just a tool, it is the gateway to a world made by adults and for adults, which does not include the presence of children and is not designed for them. The Internet is a place where the logic of overconsumption and addiction exists, with algorithms designed to keep you hooked through notifications and gratification dynamics based on “likes” and numbers.
Parents often object: “Yes, but I only let them use WhatsApp.” In reality, WhatsApp is becoming a full-fledged social media, with channels and updates that require a maturity that children do not have. If we adults often make “mess” on this app, let alone a kid. By law, in Italy, you should be 14 years old to fully use social media and WhatsApp; Giving away the smartphone four years in advance means exposing yourself to continuous requests for access to social media which will then be very difficult to manage.
If the need is security, there are so-called “dumb phones” (they call and send messages) or smartwatches for children. They are age-appropriate tools. We also need to dispel a myth: children don’t become smarter with smartphones. Research such as that of Bicocca (iZAP), cited in the book, shows that early use of smartphones and social media is correlated with lower results in the Invalsi tests of Italian and mathematics. True digital skills are not scrolling on TikTok, but critical thinking and the ability to distinguish the true from the false.”
One of the most common justifications is the classic “everyone has it”. The parent fears that the child will be excluded from the group. How do you strategically respond to this catchphrase without giving in to guilt?
«I answer in two ways. The first concerns a project I have been working on since 2022, which has now become a foundation: the Digital Pacts. The aim is to encourage alliances between parents of the same class or school to establish common rules, starting from the age at which to hand over the smartphone. If a group of parents agree not to give it as a gift at Communion, the “everyone has it” argument loses force. In Italy there are already over 200 agreements involving 20,000 families.
However, the parent who says “no” to the smartphone must not limit himself to a ban; must say many more “yes”, committing to training and accompanying their children towards digital using shared tools, such as the PC, tablet or consoles in common places in the house. We must take the suffering of exclusion seriously, but the solution is to look for allies.
Research by the Municipality of Milan with Bicocca has revealed a paradox: most parents believe that the right age for a smartphone is after 13 or 14, but then hand it over at 11. This happens due to very strong peer and market pressure.
Finally, exclusion is an issue that also concerns schools. In an environment that promotes inclusion, we shouldn’t accept that a kid is marginalized just because he doesn’t have WhatsApp (and maybe he’s the only one who is respecting the law). This “no” to the smartphone is just one of many that we will have to say as parents; it is a great opportunity to rediscover the importance of being an educating community, emerging from the isolation in which the platforms would like to lock us up.”
We said that the “no” to smartphones for Communion and Confirmation must be decided. So what are the alternatives to transform these stages into a real opportunity for growth?
«If we want to stay in the digital sector, an excellent alternative is a shared PC to keep in the living room, not in the bedroom. You can say to the boy: “Now let’s use this, help me arrange the holiday photos”. This challenges him and pushes him to actively use technology, not passive scrolling. It’s real growth: the boy feels involved and maybe explains to us how a certain app works.
Video games can also be positive, if chosen according to age and used together. They stimulate intelligence and creativity, but the presence of the parent is always needed. Other options are the smartwatch that calls, which can be perceived as “cooler” than the old traditional watch, while maintaining the necessary security limits.
The secret is to broaden the field. We must not focus only on the smartphone, otherwise it becomes a permanent battleground. Let’s explore other digital and non-digital products together, placing them in a gradual growth path. This is the best way to accompany them in today’s world.”
