The negativity of others is not inevitable. To no longer suffer from the permanent discontent of those around us, psychologist Emma Pisarz teaches us to respond constructively.
Whether within a relationship, in friendship or at the office, being around a person who only sees the glass half empty is a real emotional challenge. This chronic pessimism ends up turning every interaction into a test of patience. “A person who is negative all the time can be burdensome for those around them and it’s tiring”explains Emma Pisarz, psychologist. It can also be difficult to interact calmly on a daily basis. The psychologist hands over her keys to the Journal des Femmes to no longer endure these exchanges.
Negativity is not always the result of bad will. This pattern often takes root in childhood: “When you grow up with negative parents, negativity becomes an ingrained character trait”. A lack of attention during childhood can also lead to complaining to be heard. This mechanism is subsequently maintained through contact with an environment that is also negative. The world view becomes biased and the person “gets used to seeing things a certain way”to the point that she “never happy, never satisfied”. Behind this reflex can also hide a deeper discomfort; this state of mind “may be an expression of a disorder, such as anxiety or depression”.
Faced with this wall of complaints, the first strategy consists of no longer bearing sole responsibility for the smooth running of a situation. Instead of exhausting yourself arguing, it is better to make the interlocutor responsible. Emma Pisarz suggests a direct approach: if you suggest a walk and the other person multiplies complaints about the heat or the crowds, “we return the ball” by rephrasing the problem: “You don’t want to go walking in the forest because it’s too hot. What do we do? What do you want?” This technique confronts the other with their own demands and forces them to come out of their position of passive critic to become an actor in the situation.
If this method seems too direct, it is still possible to express your feelings without accusing the other. We can thus formulate: “It’s complicated because I have the impression that there are a lot of things that don’t make you happy. Sometimes, I have the impression that everything I suggest doesn’t work. It makes me feel like I’m worthless or incompetent.” The important thing is to clarify your intention with an unstoppable sentence: “It’s not against you that I’m saying this, it’s to preserve our relationship. I want to improve things.” By speaking about yourself, we invite others to become aware of the impact of their words.
To escape from negativity, the person concerned must learn to “agree to let go”which concretely means welcoming “what comes” rather than focusing on constraints. Even if a situation presents a disadvantage, we must strive to “accept that there are options, even if they are not the ones you would have thought of”.
