Here is the best reaction according to psychologist Emma Pisarz. And it works with a stranger as well as a loved one.
On the platform of a crowded subway, in the queue at a supermarket or between two doors at the office, your eyes meet those of a stranger in tears. You hesitate: should you approach at the risk of being intrusive or look away to respect your privacy? “It’s complicated to know if you can go to someone who is crying, it’s delicate”recognizes Emma Pisarz, psychologist. However, breaking the ice can change that person’s day. Our psychologist delivers the perfect sentence for a successful approach without being invasive.
Before intervening, it is essential to analyze the other person’s body language so as not to create an additional shock. “If someone stands back and we can’t see their face, they won’t see us coming into their field of vision.”explains Emma Pisarz. Better to leave this person alone. Furthermore, if a stranger does not see us, it is inappropriate to touch him or her to attract their attention: “We’re not going to tap him on the shoulder. It’s intrusive.” The expert recommends instead establishing a silent connection beforehand to check if the person is willing to be able to enter into their privacy. “We can very well try to probe by looking, perhaps from a distance making a sign with a thumbs up or a thumbs down to see if the person is receptive.”
If eye contact is established, a banal object can then become a powerful social mediator: the handkerchief. Ask someone, “Would you like a tissue?” is ideal for starting a dialogue in a roundabout way. If the person agrees, we can continue the conversation and hand over the tissue and ask: “Is everything okay?” or “Do you need help or anything else?” At this stage, the person can choose to open up or simply accept the gesture to calm down, without going any further.
Please note: helping does not mean imposing your presence. It is essential to know how to withdraw if the signal sent is an end to non-receipt. “It’s important to respect the closure”insists Emma Pisarz. If the stranger responds with a simple “no, it’s okay, thank you”, the interaction should end there so as not to become suffocating. “Being pushy can make you feel uncomfortable. And if the person doesn’t want to go further in the conversation, there’s no point in insisting with questions”she recalls. We can leave a final helping hand by simply stating: “If you need help, I’m not far away.”
Now you know how to react to a crying stranger. But sometimes, even in front of a loved one, tears make us uncomfortable and leave us helpless. “That doesn’t make you not empathetic.”reassures Emma Pisarz. A universal way to comfort a loved one is to “value a little bit what we feel too” by verbalizing your own discomfort, while remaining present: “I’m sorry this is affecting you so much, it hurts me to see you cry. I don’t really know how to react but I want to be able to do something.” Simply saying “I love you” to your loved one reduces stress and anxiety and alleviates discomfort. And sometimes, just a hand on the shoulder is enough to say what words can’t always express.
