You can’t stand anyone anymore, neither at home nor at work? This is not trivial in psychology. Decryption with Céline Autin, psychoanalyst and psychopractitioner.
Children, spouse, family, work colleague… At the moment, you can’t stand anyone anymore? The majority of people who can’t stand anything have actually stored too much stuff for too long. “They have accumulated a whole bunch of things over the years, such as repeated humiliation, verbal or physical violence, harassment or trauma” illustrates Céline Autin, psychoanalyst and psychopractitioner. By pushing everything under the rug to continue building one’s life, the inner container ends up filling up, then overflowing.
The person becomes hypersensitive, cries at the slightest thought or, conversely, becomes aggressive. His reactions are excessive. These signs simply show that she has reached the end of her abilities, both in terms of mental and emotional load. It’s like a pressure cooker that eventually explodes from the pressure inside. Other signs are suggestive of increased emotional overload, such as irritability, aversion to others, isolation and social withdrawal, anhedonia (loss of pleasure in social relationships), emotional exhaustion or burnout.
As is very often the case in psychology, this emotional difficulty has its roots in childhood. “Children who are not allowed to express their emotions will begin to stockpile. The parent must give this authorization which involves the fact that he himself will not hide his emotions from his child. Furthermore, it is not customary in our current society to open up or reveal one’s emotions. Many do not allow themselves to speak. Thus, emotional storage can begin at a very young age.” explains the psychology expert. During childhood, the child will adapt and adopt behaviors in response to what his parents will show him. “The child will then feel a whole bunch of mixed emotions and risks becoming very angry as an adult, especially if the family’s mode of communication involves shouting. He may also act out at work to unload emotionally. In summary, the accumulated emotional charge can influence all aspects of the person’s life.
It’s good to know that we don’t all have the same storage capacity. People with high emotional potential, for example, have very great capacity. Only, when they reach saturation, the crash is guaranteed. Without being HPE, the emotional accumulation can quickly get out of hand for some, and be much more absorbed for others. The consequences vary depending on the situation and individual abilities. “Holding things in, stifling them, or preventing them from coming out can have terrible consequences for the person suffering. The most serious are severe depression, eating disorders, scarifications and suicide attempts, alert our psychoanalyst. The main problem is that if the person does not want to help themselves, we will hardly be able to help them. No one can save someone who doesn’t want to be rescued.” So what to do?
If the person wants to get out of it, they must start by consulting a mental health professional such as a psychologist. “Writing therapy is an excellent exercise for emptying the emotional charge, or even identifying the underlying problem. When we experience a big emotional burden, we no longer know what the triggering problem is, everything takes on strong proportions. By emptying the emotional reservoir, we highlight the original problem.“To avoid this phenomenon in children, the secret is communication.”For example, we must learn to answer children’s questions with natural and spontaneous responses, show them how to express their anger, and allow them to feel this emotion, for example by hitting a teddy bear or even telling them that they have the right to cry and feel things, illustrates our expert. The child must know that he can dare to speak and free himself from the weight of his emotions.”
If someone around you is suffering from emotional overload, you can tell them that you are available to listen and help them. If she cannot express herself verbally, she can share her feelings in writing. She is not obliged to have her story read. “On the other hand, it is essential not to reread so as not to reabsorb your emotions, to tear up and throw away the paper. If the person keeps it, their brain tells itself that it must think about it and come back to it so it will store the content. The exercise would then be in vain. If she throws away the paper, the brain frees itself from the weight of emotions“. Other means of communication are available: dance, theater, role play, art, drawing… It doesn’t matter how you express yourself, the main thing is to do it.
