Summer vacation is approaching and many families will be looking to spend more time together. And, according to a study, something simple could really help fathers and sons stay close over the years.
At this time of year, we come home later, the children are already starting to negotiate bedtimes”because it’s still daytime”, and the parents try to maintain a semblance of authority while also dreaming of the holidays. Because ultimately, spending time together isn’t the most complicated thing. Creating a real connection is another story. Especially between fathers and their sons, where serious discussions sometimes resemble poorly received text message exchanges: “How are you ?” — Yes. End of conversation.
A study carried out with 500 fathers and boys aged 7 to 11 shows that many parents feel a little lost on the subject. More than half would like to have a stronger relationship with their son, but don’t really know how to go about it. And 63% are completely afraid that their child will move away during adolescence. Not necessarily because of a big conflict, but rather because of everyday life, screens, college, friends, doors that close more often and responses that rarely exceed three syllables. In the study, 38% of fathers also say that their biggest difficulty is finding real, quality time with their son. And it’s not about accompanying them to football or checking their homework between work emails.
Sociologist Robert Lawson, of Birmingham City University, says many men still grew up with a fairly rigid idea of the role of a father. The one who manages, who protects, who assures. Much less the one who talks about his emotions during dinner. And it shows in the figures: a third of the fathers surveyed admit to having difficulty encouraging their son to talk about his feelings. Others even say that they are much more comfortable making a joke than starting a real emotional discussion. In this context, as the survey highlights, it is laughter that remains the best weapon for creating a solid bond between a father and his son. Very concretely, 25% of fathers say they feel “truly connected” to their son precisely during these moments of shared laughter.
According to Robert Lawson, jokes, little everyday delusions or even absurd nicknames make it possible to break the classic hierarchy between father and son. When a father agrees to be a little ridiculous, to play the game or not to take himself too seriously, it opens the door to much more natural exchanges. “Children love to be silly, so humor and fun games can be important ways to reduce barriers between fathers and sons and strengthen family bonds.”summarizes the sociologist.
